Yo he estado aquí muchas veces antes y regreso

You’ve got to admit that it’s quite sad that we only ever return to the blog when something really awful has happened or we feel like we can’t cope with life anymore. I often do wonder if the rest of the world has issues like this, it’s just that they’re a hell of a lot better at hiding it. Or are we just unfortunate.

it’s hard to admit what’s wrong with me, it’s hard to explain.

I feel so so stupid telling people how I feel these days. This shouldn’t all be getting to me but it is. It hurts more than you can ever know and I just want to fall off the face of the earth to get away from it.

I’m trying to at least fall off theirs. It can only be good if I never have to see or hear about them again.

I sound like such a sad little emo kid :/

I just have one thing to ask. Is this forever? I mean the fighting and the crying and the whole wanting to just hide and give up.

 

Sorry.

One xxx

They must love annoying me

That bloody department must love screwing my payments up, its the second week and they've still not paid it i find it really annoying because i've had to borrow money to go on a college trip to London...

I've discovered the place were I'm staying whilst I'm there its a hostel its meant to be one of the best in Europe so i've got mixed feelings on it all. I'm still surprised i'm going.

Also whilst i think on my life the last couple of weeks has gone really bad again there's been loads of arguments over nothing.

Now i'm starting to worry over someone because there really ill and i cant do nothing than hope there going to be OK.

Anyway was only going to be a short post so bye

The "Other"

Can someone please help me?!?

Have you ever thought that everyone in your family is dissapointed in you? All because you made a single mistake, for fuck sake yeah i made a mistake and borrowed money that was meant to be paying people back the money i borrowed off them in the Easter holidays. The thing is with me once money has gone into my bank account it gets taken straight out again but i cant budget for things and because of this i'm in £450 of debt and for this i'm getting treated like shit. People are refusing to talk to me because its like there ashmamed of me. I went to try and get some help about all the problems i've got and all they said is that i've got a lack of self confidence what a while of toss.

You know when your struggling that much you start being different around people and they can tell somethings up with you but you don't want to tell them because you dont want them worrying over it like i already am, i've been looking on websites for debt help but basically i'm screwed untill i can get some type of work that brings in a wage so i can start paying back my debts.

There getting that bad though now i'm struggling to keep up with the repayments and i've looked at getting another loan to pay the money i already owe out but i'll just get refused because i've got a terriable credit rating.

But seriusly what do you expect me to do i'm 18 and people are giving me money to spend but you dont think when you spend it that you have to pay it back but infact you do and now i'm trying to pay it all back i'm just struggling with all the pressure of other things in my life........

The "Other"

Invisible Monsters

“when you understand,” Brandy says, “that what you’re telling me is just a story. It isn’t happening anymore. When you realise that the story you’re telling is just words, when you can just crumble it up and throw your past into the trashcan,” Brandy says, “ then we’ll figure out who you’re going to be.”

Truer words never have been spoken…

Regaining perspective really is one of the best ways imaginable to help overcome something. Be it something you’ve already done or something you’re doing or something you’ve done. Just look at it again. Just look and tell yourself what it is. Tell yourself again and again until the words begin to mean nothing at all.

The only time you can’t really do that is when the words cannot lose meaning. Like a name. There’s a few names that do that for me. My family and the person I love.

 

But the past is just a story. Just a big bunch of words to us that don’t really have any meaning. Nothing more than a few lines of grammatically correct sentences. Words only ever have the meanings we give them. They’re not sentimental and anyone else can put the same words in the same order and get the same story.

I’m going to show you EXACTLY how I feel and I’m not going to say a single word. Just you wait world. You ain’t seen nothing from me yet!

One xxx

It’s me again

Still waiting for something big… or I think maybe I’ve found it for now. Since I never knew what was coming I can’t say for certain.

One xxx

Oh, Hello mister sunshine

Y’know what?

The world feels better today. Like there’s something in the air just waiting to happen. All I need to do now is to find it!!!

There are times when I feel awful at the moment, like I’ve found rock bottom again but at others (and this is the majority) I’m on top of the freaking world!!

Something big is going to come knocking soon… and I just can’t wait!!!

 

One xxx

Because sooner or later it’s over…

What do I want most in the world right now?

If I’m honest I want one of the things I fear I’ll never have. I want to be lying in a big open field with the stars above my head, the grass we’d lie on would be dry and tickle our noses as we roll over and we could just sit and discuss all our hopes and dreams together. We’d giggle at the silly plans and call eachother silly for some of the things we want.

Then after it all I’d cuddle you and tell you that you can have everything you ever wanted if it involves me or not and that I will do everything I can to help you and get you there.

There is so much I want to say to you. But I doubt I’ll ever get the chance. Can you please just hurry up and tell me that you’re not in love with me as this little bit of hope that’s sat in the back of my mind is near killing me.

I just need to know where I stand.

 

Please

 

One xx